How to Deal With a Cursing Person

Опубликовал Admin
28-09-2016, 14:45
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There are many situations in which we have to deal with people who use colorful language. Finding the right way to deal with the person depends on our relationship with them. With customers, the basic rules of customer service apply -- be calm and respectful, and demonstrate you understand their problem. With a coworker, confront them directly with your feelings. When correcting a foul-mouthed child, you should always use discipline and find ways to minimize their cursing.

Dealing With a Cursing Customer

  1. Stay calm. Do not reply with anger just because the customer is being immature and working through their anger in an unhealthy way. For instance, if you’re on the phone with a customer, do not hang up on them as soon as they start cursing. If you react angrily, you might escalate the situation and both you and the customer could end up even more aggravated than you already are.
    • Pay attention to your volume and tone of voice. Use a gentle, even tone when replying to angry customers.
    • Remain aware of your emotions. If you don’t think you can handle a certain call, tell the person that you’ll transfer them to a manager or another third party, even if it’s just your coworker. “I’m going to transfer you to someone who can help you better than I can,” you could explain.
    • It is easier to tune out or forgive swearing against a product, company, or service than it is to forgive someone swearing at you personally. In either case, however, stay calm and do not respond in anger.
    • Remember, the irate customer does not know you, and you did not personally cause whatever misfortune he or she is experiencing. Don’t let their foul language rattle you or make you feel personally guilty, angry, or incompetent.
  2. Try to put yourself in the customer’s shoes. For instance, if they are upset because their books arrived with a torn spine, and utilize various curse words when explaining their problem, demonstrate that you understand their predicament by saying, “I’m so sorry that happened to you. I would be frustrated as well if that happened to me.” Express to the customer that you recognize what they are feeling. “I can tell you’re upset,” you might say.
  3. Tell the customer that using profanity will not solve their problem. For instance, imagine someone is calling you at the tech support center you work at in order to get their computer to work. They’ve been waiting a while and you tell them their computer is not made anymore and therefore not subject to tech support assistance. The customer replies with a string of expletives. Remind that customer that while you are sorry, no amount of cursing will put the computer back into mass production.
    • You could suggest that they might want to call back when they have calmed down.
  4. Warn the customer that they will not receive help if they continue to curse. For instance, imagine you’re a worker at a pizza joint. An irate customer calls back complaining that his pizza is cold and uses some harsh language to explain the situation. Tell the customer gently that while you sympathize with them, they will get no assistance if they continue to swear.
    • Be unambiguous with your warning. Don’t say, “I don’t like the way you’re talking.” Say instead, “I’m sorry, but I cannot help you if you curse at me.”
    • If you're in a retail setting, insist that the customer leaves immediately. Say, "I am sorry, but we cannot help you today. I'd like you to leave immediately."
  5. Hang up on the customer when they continue to curse. If you're dealing with a customer over the phone, hang up on them. This is a last resort that should only be utilized in extreme cases. The foul-mouthed customer is likely to call back even angrier than before. However, if you have a customer who does not relax after repeated attempts to calm them, ending the call is the best option. Sometimes ending a call can give angry people the time they need to calm down.
    • Always be polite as you end your call. Let your customer know you’re hanging up. A goodbye like, “I’m going to hang up now because I do not want to be cursed at. I hope your day improves,” is appropriate. Be succinct.
    • Follow through on your warnings to your customer that you’re going to hang up.
  6. Get help when dealing with threatening customers. If one of your customers continues to curse and threatens you, inform them you will contact the police. Leave to do so. Explain the situation to the police and, assuming the customer has fled before the police arrive, give them as much information as possible about the customer. Allow the threatening customer to leave and do not antagonize them.
    • Do not shout, threaten, or scream when dealing with a customer who threatens you. This might panic them and escalate the situation.
    • If you believe the customer is armed, do not announce, “I’m calling the police.” This will only agitate them.
    • Flee from an armed customer at the first opportunity. If the exit is blocked, look for safe spaces to hide within your workplace like under or behind a bar counter. Contact the police when you have a chance.
  7. Explain the situation to your coworkers. Protocol concerning cursing customers varies with place of employment. Perhaps at your call center, you must make an entry in the customer’s account describing the exchange and your course of action. At another workplace, you might just share with your coworkers what happened and warn them to be aware of the customer if he or she calls back looking to cuss you or your coworkers out again.

Reacting to a Cursing Coworker

  1. Ask your coworker to tone it down. This is the easiest solution to the problem of a cursing coworker. Generally, a cussing coworker will ease up on their use of colorful language when they realize that they’ve irked you. After all, nobody wants to cause tension in the workplace.
    • To suggest that a cursing coworker tone it down, you could say, “Peggy, I’m uncomfortable with the language that you’re using. Could you please ease up on the cursing? I’d really appreciate it.”
  2. Insist that anyone cursing at you cease immediately. Cursing at anyone, especially a coworker, is an act of profound disrespect. Do not allow yourself to be verbally abused or cursed at by anyone in your workplace (or in your private life). Tell your coworker in a calm, even tone, “Do not speak to me like that. I do not speak to you with such language and I do not deserve it.”
    • Even though you might be angry -- and rightly so -- stay cool. Do not respond with anger or violence. Doing so will only escalate the situation. Try deep breathing to calm your nerves, and walk away if you have to.
  3. Evaluate your relationship with your coworker. Workplace friends engage in different types of communication than coworkers who are not friends. Workplace friends use profanity when in conversation with one another more than they do when conversing with non-friends. For instance, if you have worked in a place for a long time, you might begin to hear someone speak to you in a more informal way and lace their conversation with curses. This could mean that the coworker considers you a friend.
    • If you do not want to be that person’s friend, or are uncomfortable being spoken to with profanity, tell them so directly. You could say, “Please do not speak to me with that language. It makes me uncomfortable.”
  4. Bring your concerns to the manager. If you tell your manager that a certain coworker is making you uncomfortable by using certain words, the coworker could be dismissed or disciplined for creating a hostile work environment. Individuals affected by a hostile or intimidating person (such as a cussing coworker) could and should be proactive by informing management of their feelings.
    • If your immediate supervisor is unresponsive, contact the human resources department where you work. Sometimes you have to go over your direct manager’s head to get results.
    • If your company as a whole is unresponsive, talk to a lawyer. Lawsuits involving hostile work environments are taken very seriously.

Responding to a Swearing Child

  1. Stay calm when your child swears. Do not overreact by yelling at or scaring your child. If your child knows that a certain word sends you into a rage, they will use it to push your buttons later. Similarly, do not laugh when your child curses. This will make them think the behavior is acceptable and they might use it again to be funny.
  2. Ask your child why they used a curse word. Kids curse for many reasons. They might be seeking attention, expressing anger, or bullying another child. Find out why the child cursed by asking, “Why did you use that word?” after you’ve heard or received word of the child swearing.
  3. Discover where the child heard the word. Kids copy what other people in their lives -- including parents and other adults -- do and say. They are also intensely influenced by TV, music, and film. Carefully monitor who your child spends time with and what kinds of media they consume.
    • If your child heard the word from a parent, older sibling, or other family member, limit the child’s contact with that individual. Let that adult or older sibling know that you do not want them speaking with foul language in the presence of your child.
    • If the child heard the word from a friend or playmate, it’s also good to limit the time your child spends with them.
    • If your child heard the word in a show or movie, do not allow them to watch it again. Permit your child to view only age-appropriate programming and always conform to the suggestions of the rating system. If you see an “explicit lyrics” label on an album, do not allow your child to listen to or purchase it.
  4. Explain to your child what kinds of speech are inappropriate. Along with typically vulgar words, explain to your child that name-calling, yelling, and a sharp tone are also unacceptable. Invite your child to ask questions so that they are clear on your policy about what kinds of language you tolerate and what kinds you do not tolerate. Outline the various types of discipline your child will face when they utilize foul language in the future.
    • Be clear when explaining why certain types of speech are inappropriate. For instance, you could explain to your child that “bad words” offend many people. If you are religious, you might also inform them that certain words are forbidden by your faith.
  5. Discipline your child as needed. If your child is very young and just learning to speak, there is no need to scold him or her for cursing. In these cases, simply ignore the bad language and the problem will likely go away. As the child ages, teach and remind him or her what constitutes appropriate language. Tell them that vulgar language is rude and hurts people’s feelings.
    • For younger children, you can utilize time-outs or the suspension of privileges. For instance, you might place your child in time-out for five minutes on the first offense, ten minutes on the second offense, and so on.
    • With teens, grounding and restriction of privileges work well. For example, you insist that your child must spend the night at home instead of going out with friends if they were going to under normal conditions.
    • Do not use physical force against your child such as slapping or spanking. This can deteriorate the relationship between you and your child and inspire them to inflict violence on others.

Thinking of Other Approaches to Cursing Individuals

  1. Recognize the difference between aggressive and non-aggressive cursing. Most people swear quite often. Even though it is deemed inappropriate in polite society, swearing can make people feel empowered and provide a needed catharsis. If someone is swearing at you or someone else, you should rightly be offended. If someone is swearing for emphasis, or swearing to express general frustration with a certain experience, there is usually no reason to be upset. Sometimes, in a moment of anger, people utilize cuss words. Whatever the case, try to empathize with the person’s situation and learn to accept non-aggressive swearing as a normal part of human speech.
  2. Consider the mental health of the individual. Tourette’s syndrome (TS) is a neurological disorder whose symptoms include involuntary movements and vocalizations (tics). Some people vocalize by spitting out curse words at irregular intervals. If you hear someone cursing who also demonstrates evidence TS, you can safely conclude that their foul language is connected to their condition. In this case, it is important to understand that their cursing is involuntary and not brought on by any immediate cause.
    • Other symptoms of TS include grimacing, touching a certain part of the face, sniffing deeply, shrugging, or blinking hard. These movements are often repeated again and again, but could occur in isolation.
    • About 100,000 people in the US have TS.
  3. Contact the authorities. In many cities around the country, swearing in public is actually a violation of the law. If you hear someone cursing in public, call your local police department’s non-emergency number or get the attention of a police officer to let them know about the foul language being spewed in public.
    • Usually there will be a ticket and a fine for the individual who was cursing. The amount of the fine varies by locality, but some can range up to $500.
  4. File a complaint with the Federal Communications Commission (FCC). The FCC is the government agency tasked with keeping various communications mediums free of profanity. If you hear a talk show host using inappropriate language, or are subjected to profanity over the phone, you can file a complaint with the FCC. You can submit your complaint by mail, email, fax, or phone. All you need to file the complaint is the call sign of the station or name of the individual, the city and state where the phone call or broadcast originated, and the date and time of the offending broadcast or phone call.
    • The quickest way to file a complaint is to visit https://consumercomplaints.fcc.gov/hc/en-us and click on “File Complaint” under either TV or radio.
    • You do not need to provide a recording or transcript of the program or call. However, you can send one, though it will not be returned.

Tips

  • Be patient.
  • Remember you can't control what others say.
  • Treat the cursing person with respect, even if they are not treating you with respect.
  • You don't have to be friends with someone whose values are radically different from yours. If you can't stand how a friend talks, and they won’t change, maybe you two aren't a good match.
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