How to Give Your Teen Constructive Criticism

Опубликовал Admin
24-02-2021, 05:50
110
0
Giving your teen constructive criticism can be challenging. There is an art to striking a balance between being critical and supportive. Learning how to craft constructive criticism, using the feedback sandwich method, and fostering self-esteem will help you constructively critique your teen.

Crafting Constructive Criticism

  1. Don’t be afraid to offer feedback. Many parents and guardians are hesitant to offer constructive criticism to their teens. This is counterproductive as feedback helps teens grow into stronger, smarter adults. Your teen will be more receptive to feedback if it is a normal part of their lives.
  2. Offer an explanation. Teenagers are at an age when they are beginning to question everything and they want to know why certain things are required of them. Therefore, offering your teen an explanation may help them to understand why you are asking them to do something differently and to see why the request is important.
    • Try saying something like, "I know it's a drag to have to do chores, but I need you to do the dishes every night. I can't do all of the house work alone and your help goes a long way."
  3. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. Rather than framing feedback in terms of “you,” try using “I” instead. Using an “I” statement will make your teen feel less defensive as the statement is about you instead of them. This can help teens become more open to constructive criticism.
    • Instead of saying, “You should really work on being more optimistic,” try saying, “I really enjoy the optimistic side of your personality.”
    • Don’t say, “You make me so angry when you leave your socks on the stairs!” Instead try, “I get upset when you leave your socks on stairs. Can you work on putting them in the laundry room instead?”
  4. Don’t attack your teen’s character. Instead of criticizing their character, instead offer criticism of the behavior or a decision the teen made. Criticizing a teen’s character will foster self-doubt, or even self-loathing. This can be particularly harmful to a teen’s mental health.
    • Don’t say, “You are a complete slob. Clean your room!” Instead try saying, “I know you are busy with school and soccer practice, but I need you to make keeping your room clean a priority.”
    • Avoid saying things like, “You’re the most irresponsible member of this family!” Instead try saying, “I am very upset that you neglected to pick your sister up after school today. I need you to work on being a responsible member of this family.”
  5. Request a change in future behavior. Instead of pointing out negative behavior in the present, ask your teen to change her actions the next time around. This method of constructive criticism will go a lot further than simply criticizing your teen’s present behavior.
    • Don’t say, “You need to stop leaving the front door open!” Instead try saying, “In the future I need you to close the door behind you when you take the dog out.”
    • Avoid saying, “I can’t believe you spent the night drinking with friends. You need to sober up now!” Instead try saying, “I am extremely disappointed you chose to drink. I advise you to make better decisions in the future. We will discuss the repercussions of your actions tomorrow morning.”
  6. Never criticize your teen about their body or appearance. Teens are under immense pressure from their peers, the media, and even their own parents to look a certain way. Criticizing your teen’s body and appearance can cause damage mentally and physically, even leading to serious medical conditions such as anorexia.
    • For example, try building your daughter’s self-esteem by taking her out for a new haircut, makeup, or clothes that flatter her body type. You could say, “Amy, it’s been a while since I’ve taken you to get your hair done. Do you want to make an appointment for next week?”
    • Instead of making comments about your son’s acne, take him shopping for some new skin care products the next time you head out for your own. Try saying, “Mike, I’m heading to the mall tomorrow night to grab some new moisturizer. I heard they had a new line of men’s skincare products. Do you want to come with me to check it out?"
    • Try cooking healthy dinners together as a family rather than criticizing your teen’s weight. You could say, “I’m not feeling very healthy lately because we’ve been eating out too much. Do you want to help me plan some healthy dinners we can all enjoy as a family?”
  7. Don’t compare your teen to their peers or siblings. Comparison is never a good strategy for offering constructive criticism. When you compare your teen to someone else, you are fostering feelings of inadequacy, which can have long reaching negative effects. Instead, focus on your teen, their behavior, and the things they might be able to improve.
    • Instead of saying, “Alan, I wish you could be respectful like your brother,” try saying, “Alan, I really want you to work on having more respect for your grandparents.”
  8. Choose the right time to offer constructive criticism. Don’t criticize your teen in front of their friends. Your teenager is more likely to respect your criticism if it is offered from a place of kindness and concern, and not in the company of others, which can lead to embarrassment and shame. You should also refrain from constructive criticism when your teen is emotionally overwhelmed.
    • Take some time to talk to your teen when no one else is around. Try saying, “Andrea, I am concerned about your grades but didn’t want to mention it in front of your friends. Can we sit down and talk about it one-on-one?”
    • If your teen is having an emotionally difficult day, is dealing with personal drama, or is overwhelmed with academic obligations, it is probably not the best time to offer feedback. Instead opt for a time when they are having a good day.

Using the Feedback Sandwich

  1. Begin with a positive statement. Rather than launching into what you think the teen needs to improve upon, begin your conversation with positive feedback. Focusing on the positive at the outset, instead of the negative, will help your teen be more receptive to the constructive criticism that follows.
    • For example, you can say, “Anna, I think you are doing a really great job making your art and music lessons a priority.”
  2. Sandwich constructive criticism between two positive statements. Once you’ve given your teen some positive feedback related to the situation, let them know your thoughts on how they can improve their performance or behavior. Be honest, but not overly critical or mean with your feedback.
    • Try saying, “Since you’re devoting so much time to art and music, I notice your grades are slipping. We need to work together to bring that D in chemistry up to a passing grade.”
  3. End with another positive statement. After you’ve given your teen criticism, it’s important to remind them again of the positive work they are accomplishing socially, emotionally, artistically, or academically. This will help remind the teen of all the great things they have been accomplishing and can even boost self-esteem.
    • You can end by saying, “While you need to work on your chemistry grade, I was really excited to see you got a B on your English paper, Anna! You should be really proud of yourself for working so hard on it and earning an awesome grade!”

Fostering Self Esteem

  1. Encourage your teen daily. It’s important that teens develop a positive self-image. Healthy self-esteem will help them successfully transition to adulthood, and daily encouragement can be a key part of this process. Try giving your child words of encouragement on a regular basis.
    • If your teen is taking on extra responsibilities around the house, such as folding laundry or unloading the dishwasher without being asked, make sure you give them positive feedback.
    • If your child is struggling with school and making an extra effort on their homework, make sure you encourage them to keep doing so.
  2. Let them make mistakes. Making mistakes is an important part of being human. Don’t shelter your teen or make decisions for them. Instead let them make their own decisions and mistakes. This will help them see you have confidence in their abilities to decide things on their own and bear the weight of any consequences.
    • For example, don’t interfere with your child’s romantic endeavors unless their partner is posing a risk to their mental or physical health. Let them make their own choices and learn from mistakes. If you do perceive a threat, however, you should intervene immediately.
    • If your child wants to spend the night before a big game playing video games until midnight, don’t interfere. If they are exhausted and perform poorly, they will learn an important lesson about prioritizing their time and energy.
  3. Make sure criticism is only a small part of interactions with your teen. Encouraging and reinforcing your teen’s strengths and abilities should instead take priority. Reminding your teen of their talents, abilities, and strengths will help them build self-esteem. Try making a habit of telling them they are good at school, sports, art, or being a good friend or family member. Building them up will help pave the way for their entry into the world as a confident adult.
  4. Develop your relationship with the teen. Your teen will be more likely to respond to constructive criticism if you have a strong relationship as your foundation. Some things you can do to improve your relationship with your teen includes:
    • Empathetic listening. When your teen shares something with you, don’t just acknowledge it. Try to consider their perspective and how they might be feeling. For example, if your teen shares with you about a fight she had with a friend, then she might be feeling worried, sad, frustrated, confused, or a combination of these emotions. Use this understanding to help you respond appropriately.
    • Trust building and respect. Offering your teen your trust and respect will help them to feel more comfortable with you. Avoid nagging your teen or constantly looking over their shoulder. Allow them to do things on their own, while also letting them know that you are there for them if they need you.
    • Acceptance and non-judgement. When your teen shares something personal with you, do not reject them or judge them for it. Let them know that you love and accept them no matter what.
  5. Seek professional help if your teen is struggling with self-esteem. While it’s normal for teens to doubt themselves, teens struggling with serious self-esteem issues are at a higher risk for mental illness, suicide, and violence. Talk to your insurance provider about what mental health services are covered by your plan, and seek out a mental health provider who specializes in teen issues.
Теги:
Information
Users of Guests are not allowed to comment this publication.