How to Bring Romance Back

Опубликовал Admin
27-07-2021, 19:00
When the romance begins to wane, taking the time to focus on your relationship and put your partner first can do a great deal to spark the romantic fire once again. Partners in a long-term relationship can can begin to take each other for granted over time. The special steps and little things partners do for each other in the early days of a relationship often take a back seat to work, children, or busy schedules as the years go by. It's never too late to start again. Work on communicating with each other and reminding yourself of how things were in the beginning. Then date each other again (even if you are married) and make sure you feel romantic yourself.

Rekindling the Romance

  1. Go on dates. Even though you may be married or have been together for a long time, you can and should still date your partner. Date nights are a great way to reconnect with your significant other and liven up your relationship. If you have a busy schedule, it may be necessary to plan your dates together to set aside time just for you two.
    • Mark date nights on a household calendar to avoid scheduling conflicts.
    • Have date nights at home by cooking a romantic dinner or settling in for a movie night.
    • Take turns planning the date night activities so both partners have an opportunity to surprise the other with a romantic evening.
  2. Be spontaneous. You both may have more commitments now. Spontaneity may be more difficult, but just as important. Being spontaneous does not have to require a great deal of time or energy. Seize spontaneous moments to add some excitement to your relationship. Try the following:
    • Have a dance party in the kitchen.
    • Rent a convertible and go for a long drive on a summer night.
    • Build a blanket fort in the living room and watch your favorite movie together.
  3. Surprise your partner. Leaving a small gift for him to find is an opportunity to remind your partner how much you care. Receiving something unexpectedly is also exciting and reminds your partner you think about him when he is not around. Gifts don't have to be expensive to have a romantic meaning.
    • Make or create something just for him.
    • Leave notes for your partner for him to find along his day, in his gym bag, or around the house.
    • Get him something he needs or has been wanting and won't buy for himself, just because.
    • You can also surprise your partner by planning a special night just for the two of you and taking care of all of the logistics.
  4. Remember what you love about your partner. Think about your partner's strengths and what you love about her. Is she incredibly witty? Does she have knack for numbers and always make sure your finances are in perfect order? It can be easy to get used to your partner's strengths but remembering why you respect her, what you admire about her, and what makes her different and special is a way to rekindle those feelings of love and romance. Even if those things have changed over the years, just being intentional about remembering can keep romance alive.
  5. Make an effort to look attractive. Remember all the attention you paid to your appearance when you were dating and the care you would take in getting ready to see your partner. As time goes on and other life factors occur, it sometimes becomes less of a priority to keep up our appearances. You become busy and your focus shifts towards care for your children or living space. Take the time to make yourself feel pampered and attractive again, for yourself and for your partner. Enjoy the excitement it can bring into your relationship and date nights.
    • Do exercise or physical activity to improve how you feel about your physical appearance.
    • Go to the salon to get a new haircut or style.
    • Use make up, perfume, or cologne.
    • Buy a new outfit that makes you feel attractive.
    • Go get a massage or spend time at a spa.
  6. Create a romantic environment. Part of the fun of rekindling your romance is trying new things and getting the chance to pick up old habits. Part of that can be creating a romantic environment around the activities you do together.
    • If you schedule a date night, get flowers and pretend to pick up your partner for your date.
    • If you are having a date night at home, put on romantic music, light some candles, and have soft lighting.

Prioritizing Romance

  1. Focus on the positives. Think about the little things you do and have done for one another that come from a place of love. Those little gestures are romantic. Does your partner make the coffee for both of you in the morning? Does he text you during the day just to say hi or check in? All these little actions are ways of showing love and romance that often get overlooked as the years go on.
    • Take the time to compliment each other. The compliments you gave each other in the beginning on how you looked, your talents, or your actions, are likely no longer mentioned out loud. Bring complimenting your partner back into practice.
  2. Be nostalgic. Remember what attracted you to her in the first place by looking back on your relationship. Think about when you met your partner, what you thought then, and why you fell in love with her. As you are recalling these things, share them with your partner.
    • Look over old pictures or love letters to each other.
    • Sit together over dinner or drinks and recollect together the beginning of your relationship.
    • Recall what you wanted your life together to be like and what it was like to plan for your future together.
  3. Show affection. As relationships continue you become comfortable and caught up in routine. Touch is a romantic part of a relationship, regardless of how long the relationship has gone on. Have physical contact with each other frequently throughout the day. Pretend like your relationship is brand new and make a concerted effort to touch each other.
    • Put your hand on your partner's shoulder or give him a shoulder massage.
    • Hold hands while you are walking.
    • Place your hand on the small of your partner's back.
  4. Focus on intimacy. In the beginning of relationships everything is new and fascinating. You take note of everything about your partner. Over the years, you both may have grown apart. Get back to knowing her through and through by taking note of the foods, music, movies, and activities your partner enjoys the most. As you try new things, remember to keep track of the things your partner enjoyed. This shows you are taking time to focus just on her. It will also make planning the next romantic evening easier.
    • Remember that your partner is an individual with likes, dislikes, interests and personality differences. Understanding your spouse's or significant other's individuality will help you appreciate your spouse for the unique person she is.
    • Remember that you are an individual, too, with interests of your own. Engage in your hobbies and interests, and share them with your partner. It will help you connect and will bring more energy into your relationship.
  5. Take a break. You and your partner may be stuck in a routine that has caused some monotony in your relationship. Doing new or novel things increases the dopamine levels, known to affect emotions, in your brain. Try new activities together. Taking a break from your routines will boost your excitement. It can also provide you something new to share with your partner.
    • Play hooky together and take a day off of work.
    • Go on a vacation.
    • Get a babysitter and go out for an evening.

Communicating Effectively

  1. Determine your love languages and values. Knowing your love languages and values is essential to beginning communication with each other about the romance in your relationship. Determining your love languages involves finding the way you and your partner show and prefer to receive love. In addition to learning your love languages, consider that, over time, your values may have changed. Determine where your values and your partner's values stand, as well as how in sync they are now.
    • Read Dr. Gary Chapman's book “The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts” to learn about love languages and to help determine which ones you and your partner identify with.
    • The five languages of love are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. The idea is that your spouse shows love in one of these ways and will feel most loved if you show him love in this same way.
    • Notice, for instance, if your partner is always complimenting you. If he is, this may mean his main love language is words of affirmation. This doesn't mean you can't express love in other ways — don't neglect physical touch or the other "languages" — but know that he will usually feel the most loved when you give him compliments instead of, say, the gift of a new golf club.
    • Your love language may be different from your partner's — that's okay. If your spouse shows love by giving compliments, but you need quality time to feel loved, then he should be willing to make an effort to spend more time with you.
  2. Listen actively. Conversation is a romantic activity that you can share with your partner every day. Take the time to sit down and talk about what happened during the day. Share your feelings about the events and check in with each other about how you are doing. When your partner shares her day with you, truly pay attention and participate in the conversation. Listen actively by trying the following:]
    • Remove all distractions that you can while having a conversation with your partner. Turn off the TV and put down your cell phone.
    • Every once in a while restate or summarize what your partner is telling you. This helps you make sure you are hearing her correctly and shows her that you are making an effort to pay attention.
    • Avoid using “Why” questions, quick reassurances such as “Don't worry about it,” or advising by stating “You should...”
  3. Improve your connection. Intimacy and romance are about feeling connected to each other. If you feel that the romance has slipped away from your relationship, check to see how connected you feel to your partner. There may be some work you can do to feel more connected to each other. Try the following tips to be more connected to each other.
    • Say “Thank you” to your partner for something each day.
    • Try to be more playful with each other.
    • Sneak hugs with each other.
    • Show more compassion for your partner.
  4. Be honest. Having a real conversation with your partner about the romance in your relationship can help you reconnect. Talking it out and being honest allows you both to discover where the other person is coming from instead of guessing or assuming. Make sure you are getting a chance to say how you feel and your partner is also getting time to share as well.
    • Take turns telling each other what you need from the other person and the relationship.
    • Ask your partner what he is dissatisfied with and what he is satisfied with in your relationships as far as romance is concerned.
    • Talk about how you each are planning to change to have the future you want.
    • Instead of being critical about your partner, try to focus on what can be changed and what you can work on together.
  5. Resolve conflicts. Opening up the lines of communication is the first step to addressing any issues that may be getting in the way of your romance. Over longer relationships, rough patches or even resentments are bound to happen. Take the time now to address and work on these issues.
    • Have a real conversation with your partner about what issues you are struggling with together. Together develop a plan to change the current circumstances that are causing the issues.
    • Seek professional help, if necessary. If you and your partner are having difficulty communicating or connecting, see a psychologist or a marriage counselor to help you get started.
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