How to Tell Your Partner About Your PTSD

Опубликовал Admin
22-08-2021, 16:40
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Having PTSD can affect every aspect of your life. Not only does the PTSD affect you, but it also affects all your relationships. You may know that you need to tell your partner about your PTSD to help explain your behavior or get the support from your partner you need. Learn how to tell your partner about your PTSD so you can start to strengthen and build a better relationship.

Deciding to Tell Your Partner About Your PTSD

  1. Decide if your partner is safe and supportive. One important thing about telling your partner about your PTSD is making sure he or she is safe and supportive. If you and your partner are going to have a healthy relationship when you have PTSD, your partner needs to be emotionally supportive for you.
    • You need to ask yourself if you believe your partner can be understanding when he or she finds out that you have PTSD. Will your partner be able to handle this knowledge? Will your partner provide you with support, help, and love during good and bad times?
  2. Realize that your partner may feel helpless. Your condition affects your partner as much as it does you. If you are considering telling your partner about your PTSD, you both are probably in a relationship where you both have strong feelings for one another, or may even love one another. Your partner loves you, and he or she may have seen you suffering and not known the cause. Think about your partner’s feelings and how he or she may have felt over the last few months or years.
    • Loved ones of those with PTSD often feel helpless because they don’t know how to help or what is even wrong. Loved ones may also feel rejected due to a person with PTSD’s behavior. Your partner may not have realized that your behavior was due to symptoms of PTSD. If you have not shared anything with your partner, he or she may feel left out or rejected. Your partner may know that something is the matter, but he or she may not understand why you will not allow him or her to help you. Letting your partner in on what's going on will help your partner feel included in your life.
    • When you prepare what to say, consider your partner’s feelings so you can try to address those things if they come up in the conversation.
  3. Decide how much information you want to give your partner. You don’t have to tell your partner everything at once. You don’t have to go into detail. You may want to start slow. The first time you tell your partner about your PTSD, you may not reveal everything. Tell your partner bits of it one thing at a time.
    • Eventually, you will build trust with your partner and feel more comfortable telling him or her about your experience and condition.
  4. Learn as much about PTSD as you can. Before you tell your partner about your PTSD, you should make sure you have learned as much as you can and really understand what your condition means. This can help you answer any questions your partner may have and help him or her understand what you are going through.
    • For example, you may want to read books or informative websites about the condition before discussing this with your partner. You may want to compile a list of resources for your partner.
    • You may consider going to group therapy and listening to how others have discussed the topic with their loved ones. You may also visit a therapist who can give you information or tips for telling your partner.
    • If you think you have PTSD, but have not yet received a diagnosis, then you will need to get a diagnosis from a licensed mental health professional. PTSD is a mental disorder, and like medical conditions, getting treatment for it will help you resolve the illness.
  5. Practice what you want to say. If you are nervous about telling your partner about your PTSD, you can practice ahead of time. Go through the words you want to say aloud to yourself. This helps you feel comfortable saying them and get used to the feeling of the words coming off of your tongue.
    • You may want to write down what you want to say. You can read part of what you’ve written, or refer to bullet points to help you remember points you want to make.
    • You can also practice what you want to say to your partner with your therapist.

Telling Your Partner About Your Condition

  1. Choose an appropriate time. Make sure you pick a good time to tell your partner about the PTSD. You should ensure there is plenty of time to talk without being rushed. You may need extra time because you are nervous or you may find it difficult to share this. Choose a time when both you and your partner are free.
    • You should also choose a time where you are at a good place emotionally and not under too much stress. Your partner may be emotional, angry, or upset, and you may find yourself feeling emotional as well. Make sure you are not under too much stress beforehand or that it is not on a day when you feel worse than usual.
    • Choose a setting where your partner will be giving your his or her undivided attention.
  2. Be honest with your partner. One thing that will help you in strengthening your relationship with your partner when you tell him or her about your PTSD is being honest. You may feel a lot of different emotions, such as sadness, anger, or anxiety. You may feel detached or vulnerable. That’s okay. You should share this with your partner.
    • Being honest not only helps the relationship by letting your partner know what has happened to you, how you are feeling, or why you may be acting the way you are, but it also allows you an outlet. Your partner can help carry some of the burden for you.
    • The more you talk to your partner and gauge his or her reaction, the more comfortable you will become with discussing your trauma.
  3. Explain the symptoms of PTSD. You should tell your partner what the symptoms of PTSD are for you. This includes the physical and the emotional symptoms. Your partner may be unfamiliar with PTSD or may not realize that some of your behavior is a symptom of the condition.
    • You may explain to your partner that you always think about your trauma though you don’t want to. You may have nightmares or flashbacks, or get upset if triggered.
    • You may have anxiety, be irritable, or get angry due to what happened to you. You may have difficulties with sleep, concentration, or other physical things.
    • You may need to stay away from reminders of the trauma, or you may have detached yourself to try and deal with the trauma. You may have no interest in socializing or activities you used to enjoy.
    • You may have panic attacks, trust issues, or substances abuse. You may have physical problems, like headaches, digestive issues, or pain. You may also have trouble functioning or feel depressed.
  4. Explain your treatment plan. Your partner may want to know what treatment you have been undergoing for your PTSD. You can tell your partner about your psychotherapy, such as cognitive behavioral therapy, exposure therapy, and talk therapy. You should also explain the medication you take, such as SSRIs, sedatives, or anti-anxiety medication.
    • You should also tell your partner what self-care treatment options you undergo and explain how important it is. For example, you may explain to your partner that being with him or her helps you because being alone is not good for you. You may also tell your partner that being with your friends and family helps with your recovery.
    • If you use exercise, relaxation, sleep, or meditation to help manage your PTSD, you should tell your partner about these things. Explain how each of these helps your depression and anxiety.
  5. Tell your partner about activities that may be harmful to you. Since your partner and you share a lot of your life together, you should tell your partner which activities may be triggering or problematic for you. Explain to your partner that you will not be able to participate in these activities, or may not be able to participate in them all the time.
    • For example, if your partner uses recreational drugs and alcohol, you should tell him or her that you cannot partake in these things. Alcohol and drugs can slow recovery, cause your symptoms to be worse, and lead to addiction or substance abuse.
    • You should also explain to your partner that some activities, even things like watching movies or the news, may be problematic for you. If you can’t watch programs or movies with certain themes or subjects, explain this to your partner.
  6. Encourage your partner to come to you. Just because you have PTSD doesn’t mean you and your partner will have a one-sided relationship. Explain to your partner that you will be there if he or she needs you. This may be something your partner needs to hear and needs from you. You should make it clear you will help support your partner just like he or she will support you.
    • For example, you may say, “Even if I’m having a bad spell and you need me, know that you can come to me and I will be there for you.”
  7. Explain to your partner that your symptoms don’t last forever. Your partner may be afraid of you because of your PTSD, or afraid of you when you are experiencing symptoms. Reassure your partner and let him or her know that you love him or her and you are his or her partner. Let your partner know that even if you are going through bad patches, you are still partners.
    • For example, you may say, “When I feel bad, it doesn’t last forever. My symptoms go away, and I eventually feel better. It may be difficult to see me when I feel bad, or it may be hard for you to be patient, but it won’t last forever. Just being around you will help me.”

Getting the Support You Need

  1. Let your partner know how to help you. Your partner won’t automatically know how to help you. If you have flashbacks, get angry, or have nightmares, you should tell your partner what you need from him or her to help you through these times. Giving your partner the details about what will help you or how to act when this happens can make everything easier for both of you and eliminate any accidental problems.
    • For example, you may need space if you are having a flashback. You may need your partner to hold you during a flashback. Letting your partner know what is helpful for you can help him or her provide the support you need.
  2. Consider couples or family therapy. Telling your partner about your PTSD may be only the first step in recovery and relationship building. You may decide that couples or family therapy may be helpful to help strengthen your relationship with your partner and help both of you learn how to communicate and deal with your situation.
    • Ask your partner to go to therapy with you. For example, you may tell your partner, “I value you and our relationship. As part of my therapy/treatment, I think that the two of us should go to therapy together. I want to work on our relationship because I love you.”
  3. Work on establishing trust and intimacy. Because of your trauma, you may not fully trust your partner or share an intimacy with him or her that you both desire. This doesn’t mean the relationship is over. Once you tell your partner about your PTSD, you and your partner can work towards solving the trust and intimacy issues in the relationship.
    • For example, both of you may need to use listening skills to really understand each other and communicate. If you are having trouble listening to one another, you may consider therapy to learn how to listen to one another.
    • You may also need to consider therapy for problem-solving skills to help you both solve problems associated with trust and intimacy. For example, you both need to search for solutions to the problems instead of rehashing the same subjects over and over again.
    • Try to solve problems from the past and focus on the relationship in the present and the future. You can’t change the past, so you should move past previous hurts and problems.
  4. Try not to blame each other. You and your partner may both feel hurt, betrayed, or rejected because of your PTSD. You should listen to one another share the way you have felt hurt. Try not to get defensive. While you may explain your side or why you may have reacted this way, don’t blame or accuse each other of things.
    • Remember, you are both hurting. You both mean a lot to each other, and accusing or blaming each other will only cause more hurt and pain.
    • When your partner talks, really listen to what he or she says. Though it may hurt you or you want to get defensive, try to acknowledge your feelings and tell yourself something like, “It is okay to feel defensive, but feeling this way will not help our relationship.” When it is your turn to talk, say something like, “Thank you for being honest with me. I am sorry I hurt you. This is what was going on at the time/what I really meant/why I said what I said/etc.”
  5. Come up with a coping plan for triggers. When you tell your partner about your PTSD, you should share any triggers with him or her. This helps your partner be able to help and support you, along with keeping you safe. Your partner can help you manage your symptoms and triggers when he or she is aware of it.
    • When you tell your partner your triggers, you both should come up with ways to cope with the triggers. You may desire help from a therapist to come up with coping strategies for PTSD.
    • Identify your triggers, discuss what could possibly happen, then figure out a way to cope with that situation if it occurs. For example, breathing exercises or meditation may be helpful for you.
  6. Treat your relationship like any other relationship. Just because you have PTSD doesn’t mean your relationship has to always be different or about the PTSD. Make sure that you do things that have nothing to do with the trauma you experienced or with your PTSD. You should do things that other couples do, such as go on dates, spend time together, and take trips together. You should plan outings together. Have fun together, relax, laugh, and enjoy spending time together.
    • Enjoying your life, your relationship, and your partner can help you with your recovery.
    • There may be times you cannot do regular things or may be going through a rough time, but those times should be temporary and not rule your life.
  7. Create routines. You and your partner may decide to create routines that can help you manage your PTSD. A schedule that is comfortable and predictable can help you find stability in your life and relationship. Together, you and your partner should come up with a schedule that suits both of your lives.
    • For example, you may come up with times for meals, dates, paying bills, buying groceries, or doing housework.
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