How to Act when Someone Is Stealing Your Friend

Опубликовал Admin
30-10-2016, 02:42
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Do you feel left out when your friend hangs out with someone else? It may be that your friend wants to make new friends and doesn't realize that you feel left out, or it may be that one party is actively trying to leave you out. This problem is not easy to solve, but it can be done.

Steps

  1. Examine the group dynamics closely. Does this new person try to get between you and your friend, or do they naturally fall together? Does anyone make an effort to include you in the discussion?
    • Perhaps your friend is just making new friends, and nobody intends for you to feel left out.
    • Maybe the new person is interested in befriending your friend, but doesn't click as well with you.
    • Or you and your friend are drifting apart.
  2. Evaluate your relationship with your friend. Have you ever teased your friend to the point of hurting their feelings, pushed them around, or argued with them a lot? Do the two of you seem to not have much in common anymore? It may be that the new person isn't the cause of the problem, but that there is an issue between the two of you.
    • If you're feeling confused, try asking an adult for advice, like your parent or a guidance counselor.
    • If you're growing apart, it might be time to let the friendship fade.
  3. Take your friend aside and explain that you're feeling a little left out. Be honest and considerate. It might be that your friend didn't realize this, and will then fix the problem by including you more.
    • Example: "Kaja, I need to talk with you. Lately, when we're hanging out with Melanie, I feel a little left out. I'm glad that you're making new friends, but I'd like it if we could hang out a bit more together."
    • If there are any issues in your friendship, your friend is likely to bring them up then.
  4. Remain polite towards the other person if possible. Most people do not intend to "steal" friends; they just naturally click better with one person than the other. Assume that they mean well unless they have proven otherwise.
    • Even if they have been rude or mean to you, try not to be rude back. Be the better person, ignore the bad behavior, and go ask an adult for further advice.
  5. Schedule one-on-one time with your friend. This way, you will maintain a strong relationship.
    • Plan outings together: to the beach, around town, to an amusement park, et cetera. This will give you and your friend bonding time.
    • Do arts and crafts. Try painting, making friendship bracelets, drawing pictures of your favorite characters, et cetera.
    • Get your friend's phone number (if you haven't already).
    • If your friend wants to invite the new person, say "I'd rather it just be the two of us this time, okay?" Then include the new person some other time (or let them hang out with your friend on their own time).
  6. Consider inviting the new person to join you sometimes. Despite the rocky start, you could become a great trio!
    • Try planning some events that involve only you and your friend, and inviting the new person along to some other events.
    • It's okay if you don't want to befriend the new person. However, don't actively avoid them or try to separate them from your friend—this is cruel and could lead to bullying.
  7. Invest in other relationships. Make new friends, hang out with old friends, and spend time with your family members. Spending time with other people will help you gain perspective, and it will help you stay balanced.
  8. Spend time on yourself. It's important not to get too hung up on one relationship. Engage in your hobbies, take good care of your health, and spend plenty of time relaxing. Take care of yourself first.
  9. Tell an adult if the other person or your friend is bullying you. Maybe they truly don't mean well, or they're pushing things too far without listening when you say so. Here are some ways to tell if you're being excluded on purpose:
    • When you enter the room, people walk away from you
    • People say upsetting things about you behind your back
    • You're being threatened
    • People make jokes that hurt your feelings, even if you say that it's upsetting you
    • People don't listen when you ask them to knock it off
    • The idea of talking to a certain person gives you a stomachache

Tips

  • Talk kindly to your friend, and always assume that they mean well. You don't want your friend to get mad at you.
  • Remember that you don't own your friend. You can't control their relationships, and a degree of separation is okay.
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