How to Admit the Truth over the Phone

Опубликовал Admin
30-10-2016, 16:12
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Expert Reviewed Avoiding the truth is sometimes easier than admitting you’ve lied. Everyone has likely had those times when they are too scared to tell somebody face to face, or maybe there isn't a chance to talk in person. Writing a letter or sending a text message might not always be the best methods of confession. What if they have questions to ask you about what you've said? What if there is too much or it is too complicated to put into words? There are ways to prepare yourself for admitting the truth to someone over a phone call.

Dealing With the Call

  1. Write down what you want to say. It helps to get it all out beforehand so you can feel more prepared. Try writing down shorthand notes of what you want to say, or write it out word-for-word and read it when you speak to them on the phone. Even if you don’t stick to your “script” when the call actually happens, you’ll at least have a reference point so you don’t forget to say anything important.
    • Don’t just write down the facts, or confessions. Also write down the feelings you want to express, and anything emotional you want to make sure you get across to them. Letting them know that they are still important to you despite the lie will help them get past it.
    • You could start by saying something like, "I want to come clean about..." or "I have something that I'm a little embarrassed to tell you, and..." You can also say something like, "I want to tell you the truth about..."
  2. Ask the other person to listen. When you make the call and they pick up, start off by asking them to let you say everything you need to say before they talk. This might confuse them, or even make them a little anxious, but it’s important that you get everything out before any arguing or anger bubbles up. By the time you finish, the other person will have heard your reasoning, and they will have had a little extra time to calm down if the initial truth made them upset.
    • Say something like, “I have something important I want to tell you, and I’d really like it if you could listen to everything I have to say before talking or getting upset.”
  3. Try not to argue or defend yourself. After you’ve finished, if they are still upset or are lashing out, try not to get angry or upset yourself. Try to refrain from getting defensive. Instead, work on listening and letting them get out their feelings. Think about how you might feel if the roles were reversed and you were the one hearing the truth. How would you feel?
    • Instead of arguing, let the other person know you understand how they feel. Validate their feelings. Try saying something like, “I completely understand how you’re feeling right now. You have every right to feel that way.”
  4. Give them time. If they get upset and hang up, for example, they may just need some time to cool off. Give them a few minutes before you call them back. If they refuse to answer your call backs, leave them a message explaining that you are sorry, and that you will be there when they are ready to talk.
    • Say something like, “I understand that you’re upset, and I’m going to be here whenever you feel ready to talk things over.”
  5. Control your voice. Whether you’re confessing to a lie or simply telling someone some really important news, it’s important to maintain your cool while speaking. You won’t have the advantage of body language to assist you in getting your feelings and points across, so you’ll have to rely entirely on your voice. Speak slowly rather than rushing through it. Just do your best to keep your cool and be calm while speaking.
    • If you’re telling some emotional news, it’s okay to get emotional and let that emotion come through in your voice. Your emotion should essentially be on par with what you’re saying, so you won’t want to sound like a robot if you’re saying something especially emotional.
    • You want to make sure you sound believable, so make sure how you’re speaking doesn’t sound too rehearsed or forced. Even if you’re working off what you’ve written down, try not to read it verbatim, or sound too monotone.
  6. Find out when the other person might have some down time. This would be the best time to call. You don’t want to call them while they’re at work, for example, or when they’re out running errands. Try to find out when they’ll have some time to themselves so they will be able to focus on the phone call, and possibly to deal with whatever they might end up feeling afterwards.
    • Consider sending them a quick text or e-mail and asking when they’ll have some free time. Then, you can plan to make the call when you’re sure they have a moment.
  7. Plan to call back if they are busy. If you call and they’re busy or don’t have much time to talk, tell them you’ll call them back later. You could suggest they call you themselves when they have time, but then you risk being unprepared when the phone does ring. It’s probably better to set a time when you can call them yourself.
    • Think about how much time you think you’ll need to get your point across. Let them know you have something important you want to talk to them about, so that they might be more compelled to give you a good amount of their time and attention.

Considering the Reasons for Avoiding the Truth

  1. Determine why you have been avoiding the truth. If you withheld the truth or lied in order to prevent an argument or fight, think about the consequences of taking that route. By lying or omitting the truth, you may have made the situation even worse. If you chose not to tell the truth in order to protect yourself or someone else, consider whether doing so Will be worth the possible reactions or consequences once the truth comes out.
    • If you’re still debating whether or not you should come clean, think about what could be wrong with keeping up the lie or continuing to withhold the truth. Weigh the consequences of both choices, and consider which will ultimately be the best option.
  2. Talk to the other person about your reasoning. It’s likely you had reasons for withholding the truth or telling a lie. Whether those reasons are very important, or possibly a little petty, it’s still important to consider what they are and explain them to the other person. Even if they don’t think your reasons are valid, you will have at least explained yourself to them. Then, it might be easier to start fresh.
    • Sometimes, people tell small lies just to make social interactions easier. Those little lies could eventually snowball into bigger ones, and once the truth comes out, the other person or people could feel especially deceived or betrayed. If you tell a small lie, come clean about it before it gets any bigger.
  3. Keep these reasons in mind in the future. The next time you are about to lie or withhold the truth, think about why you have done so in the past. Are those same reasons at play again? Why are those particular factors causing you to continually avoid the truth? Be more aware of your own social and emotional habits. This could help you better understand your own choices and be able to curb the instinct to lie or withhold the truth down the road.

Practicing Honesty

  1. Work on being more open. You don’t have to jump right into being completely open and wear your thoughts and emotions on your sleeve, but taking a few simple steps towards openness could help you feel more comfortable with communicating openly with others. For example, if you are especially excited about something you just bought, instead of just saying you’re excited, tell someone why you’re so excited. It’s simple and not super revealing, but it ultimately leads to a more meaningful and intimate conversation.
    • You might also try avoiding the phrase “I don’t know” if someone asks you how you feel or what you think. It’s easy to throw that out there when you want to avoid the subject or aren’t sure what to say, but being open and honest is always a better option.
  2. Being honest can improve your happiness. Studies have shown that being honest can help make you feel better about yourself. By being open and honest, you can actually improve your own quality of life by building and maintaining trust in your interpersonal relationships. If you admit the truth or come clean about a lie you’ve told, you’ll likely feel better afterward, and better able to move forward from the incident.
    • Ultimately, people feel the need to see themselves in a positive light, which means maintaining a certain code of ethics or morals. Lying often impedes on that positive image, so being honest can help keep it positive.
  3. Work on reestablishing trust in your relationships. If you have broken some trust in your relationships by lying or avoiding the truth, it’s important to work towards strengthening that trust again. Make promises you can follow through with, and make sure you keep them. Be open and honest through verbal communication. Talk things out rather than keeping them inside. Try to always explain your own perspective on things when having discussions, making plans, or making decisions with a partner or friend.
    • Healthy relationships are built on trust and understanding. Working on being a trustworthy person that the people in your life can rely on will help strengthen all of the relationships in your life.

Tips

  • If you’re finding it difficult not to argue, take a few deep breaths and stay calm.

Warnings

  • If the person hangs up on you, let them cool off and try again later.
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