How to Be Liked by Other People

Опубликовал Admin
31-01-2017, 15:24
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Being liked by other people is the ultimate aim for many a person. It is not always easy and it shouldn't be undertaken with a view to giving in to others, being a doormat or constantly needing validation. However, by being kind, thoughtful and considerate, you can improve the chances that many people you meet and know will like you for these traits.

Checking in with yourself first

  1. Work out what is driving your need to be liked by everyone. If it's a genuine desire to be harmonious, friendly and considerate of your fellow human beings, that's a great reason to seek out being liked. On the other hand, if it's motivated by needing to have confirmation that you're a good and worthy person, then you'll need to reach that acceptance inwardly first, otherwise you'll risk having others take advantage of you and you'll end up being miserable every time someone fails to like you.
    • If you feel that you need to change yourself, to be more ingratiating, pleasing or giving in when around other people, spend some time learning how to voice your own preferences, wishes and needs in a way that isn't bossy, threatening or angry. Learn to communicate assertively and firmly, while remaining polite and considerate of others. Understand that compromise is a good tool too, allowing both sides to get a little of something each of what they want while still getting along with each other.
  2. Accept that some people won't ever like you. That's a simple result of the diversity of people in the world. People annoy one another for various reasons and sometimes, no matter what you do or say, you remind another person of someone they don't like and they unconsciously don't like you for it. Your political, faith, lifestyle, etc. choices and your values are other reasons why not everyone will like you and it's not only hard to stay completely neutral, it's unrealistic because that's not what being human is about. So, in some cases, just be ready to stay polite but accept that liking each other isn't going to come through.
  3. Show enthusiasm. Communication is the transfer of energy/emotion. Everyone seems to love someone with enthusiasm because we all admire it and wish we had more! Enthusiastic people seem to brighten up a room with their positive energy, and we want that to rub off on us, we want to be a part of it. When someone is enthusiastic about our thoughts and ideas we immediately feel understood, appreciated and just plain great! No one will ever be offended by you getting excited about their ideas!

Being likable in order to be liked

  1. Be friendly. Make it clear that you're willing to talk to people and that you'll be interested in what they have to say to you––the biggest compliment of all. Show smiles and warmth. The first contact with another person is your face! Make sure that you present as warm, friendly and happy. A smile and a sincere desire for friendship will resonate in your voice and be demonstrated in your every action. First impressions are powerful; present the way you want to be remembered - so smile! Smiling shows that you are happy to see the other person and like them. Smiling and warmth make others feel good around you; use this skill and you will shine.
  2. Demonstrate liking and appreciation. Most people instinctively like people who like them (and vice versa). Many people like each other, but rarely tell each other. Make it a point to tell people close to you that you like them and appreciate them - they already know this, but it's still great to hear. With people you've just met, if you like them, say things like "It's been great getting to know you; I love to meet warm, open people."" I really liked the way you talked about (insert comment)." Or, "Thank you for making me feel so welcome in your home. I had a great time today - let's pick another time to get together soon." These are just a few examples. Can you come up with better ones? Sincere appreciation like this supports friendship and cements relationships.
  3. Match and mirror. Matching and mirroring simply means that you match the approximate characteristics of the other person to help create alignment with them. Therefore, if they cross their legs, do the same shortly after. If they tend to talk more slowly, slow your rhythm down so it is closer to theirs. If they use certain lingo, you can use it later in the conversation. If they are reserved, you be more reserved. And so on. Remember, we like people who are like us. This is a natural process that most people do unconsciously anyway - now you can know to do it consciously. It is a very powerful tool because vocal tone/speed and body language account for 93% of communication. This tool will make people very comfortable around you and is a very subtle technique.
  4. Listen. Listening is the foundation of all skills. Every person on the planet loves to be listened to! Think about it. How do you feel when someone ignores you or talks over you? Do you feel connected to these people? No! Who are the people you are closest too? It's highly likely that they are the people who listen to you intently and are concerned about your issues and well-being, right? Listening says, "I'm listening because you, and therefore, what you have to say, are important." People's greatest desire is to be truly listened to. Help them accomplish this most important goal, and they will like and admire you for it. Practice "conversational generosity" - don't speak more than 30 percent of the time (10 to 20 percent is optimal).
  5. Link to others' interests. Opposites don't attract! People like each because of their similarities. So, whenever possible, notice similar interests and be sure to talk about and expand on them. This may take some searching and questioning to discover their interests - that's okay - people will be glad that you are so interested in them that you ask several questions about them. Even if you don't have any similar activities, have them discuss an area you find interesting or want to explore.
    • For example, you boss might love golf but you have never played. However, if you have a sincere interest in learning the game, ask your boss to explain some things about the game to you. It's likely that you boss will be thrilled that you are interested and will feel complimented that you want him or her to be your teacher and that you value his or her advice. Think of ways you can use this tool.
  6. Ask for advice. An old quote by Thoreau states, "The greatest compliment ever paid me was when someone asked me what I thought, and attended to the answer." Asking for advice is perhaps the most sincere compliment you can pay to a person. You also have to humble yourself ever so slightly to ask for advice, and this vulnerability will create a sense of openness and trust between you. People are always happy to give advice and will associate that sense of happiness to you quickly. Aren't your friends the ones whom you go to for advice? How can this person give you advice and not be your friend? See how strong this link is? People also admire someone who can ask for and accept advice. So few people can do this well that it has become an admirable trait. Try it and see.
  7. Share compliments and praise. No, this is not "kissing up" or being phony - this never works! What we are looking to do is notice praise-worthy things people discuss and mention them to the person. Notice the difference in the next two responses. Your new friend tells you they just won an award for helping children and you say either "that's great!" or "Wow, that's quite an accomplishment! You must have made a tremendous contribution to the lives of those children, you should be very proud." Which response would you rather hear? Are they both true? Yes! Will one response have more impact and create a stronger connection? Definitely, yes! Noticing and commenting on the good people do and their special qualities is a great way to live, it is classy, and a great way to connect with others.
  8. Adopt their values/beliefs. As you are listening to the other person speak, notice their values/beliefs, and discuss areas where your values/beliefs sincerely overlap with theirs. Remember that is best to speak 30% or less of the time. Take at least half of this time and use it to agree with, support, or expand on whatever the other person was talking about. You will never make a friend by disagreeing with them. Let points you don't agree with slip by, and chime in when you hear something you agree with. By doing this you will make a friend, and at the same time, subtly promote the areas you believe in and starve the areas you don't.
  9. Develop attending skills. This simply means that you attend to the needs of the people you are with. It follows the lines of simple good manners, i.e., holding the door for someone, offering them a drink or a chair, buying them lunch, shaking their hand right away when you see them, etc. Almost any small courtesy or act of kindness falls in this category. These simple acts say without words that the other person is like, respected and appreciated. (And an action is worth what? That's right! A thousand words!)
  10. Help others. Helping others may impress people around you, but helping not only impresses others, it gives you that warm glow inside you. You lose nothing but give out kindness and may even receive thanks (but don't do it with that expectation in mind). Help your friends and all those around you, don't leave them when they have a problem.

Tips

  • You won't always be liked by everyone! Just try your best, and if it doesn't work, just keep it up! Even if you aren't liked by some people, you still want to make the best impression possible on them!
  • Be realistic and careful when expressing difficult information. It's not appropriate to lie but you can leave things unsaid if what you have said is sufficient to get across a point that needs to be made clear and worked out by the other person. If something is too hard to explain, don't make it up - be honest about it being too hard for you to express clearly and suggest someone who can tell that person the truth in a better way.
  • Stay calm, cool and collected. Stress bunnies don't get liked because they're too busy sharing the stress around, infecting people with a negative mood. Learn to self calm, then share the calm around by being a calming influence.
  • Just be yourself and improved yourself but you can't ever change yourself to be well liked.To be yourself in a world that's constantly asking you to be someone else is the greatest accomplishment ever!

Warnings

  • Take care with the constant refrain to "just be yourself". Sometimes being yourself means being rude, blunt, difficult or obstreperous. If you want to be liked, it is important to assume the morals and manners of the time and the situation. Good manners are a way of holding back the ruder, less restrained sides of ourselves that can be disruptive socially. Be sensible and realize that you're still being yourself, you're just putting forward your best social parts and not acting like a spoiled, petulant and entitled brat. Being polite is still being true to yourself.
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