How to Avoid and Survive Controversial Topics

Опубликовал Admin
5-02-2017, 22:06
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Whether it's religion, politics, or other opinionated subjects, there's always that one topic that makes you uncomfortable. People in everyday life may bring up that topic, and you might not want to start another argument. Here are some steps to avoid and, most importantly, survive these kind of conversations.

Avoiding Potential Arguments

  1. Avoid giving an opinion on something you know is controversial. Even if you think the person will agree with you, putting in your two cents can lead to a debate. If the person mentions something like religion, it is fine to state what your beliefs are but not say why you are ____ or why it is good/bad to be ____.
  2. Give short responses. If you know a certain response will lead to the other person bringing up a certain topic, keep it short. This will deter most people from making any more comments that could lead to the topic. If someone's comments seem to be trying to goad you into a certain reaction, say "mmhm" or "okay" or nod. That way you can hopefully make the other person uninterested in talking about it further.
  3. Keep conversations short and simple. Pets, children, the weather, anything of the sort. Talk about normal, everyday occurrences. Ask the person about their life too, so you won't be stuck scrambling for ordinary things to talk about. Stick to topics that everyone agrees on and is not insulting (puppies are cute, rain is cold). Think "coffee-break talk".
  4. Avoid people who are inflammatory. If you really don't want to deal with the guy that wants to ask you about your personal beliefs all the time, try avoiding them. Be friendly and say hello, but you don't have to force yourself to talk. If you see someone coming after you to start an argument, focus on something like work or leave to go to the bathroom. Send a message that you are busy and would like to focus.
    • If the person is a relative or someone you can't avoid, make sure to keep conversations short and talk about mundane things. Talking about the weather is acceptable.

Surviving an Argument

  1. Stay neutral. Even if you really disagree with someone, arguing can encourage them to keep talking. Like before, keep responses to one or two words, or nod your head once in a while. If the other person sees that you are not taking a side, they will drop the subject if there is nothing to argue about.
    • Disagreeing or agreeing can both be inflammatory, so staying neutral is a good way to not fan the flames.
  2. Be calm. When the other person is making you scream internally, keep a calm exterior. Don't be defensive or angry. Some people want a reaction out of you or are looking for enemies. Keep a straight face (poker face, anyone?) and be the person that can't be bothered.
  3. Look disinterested. If someone's not listening to your conversation, you tend to stop talking. Do some important work, or look around. You don't want to seem rude, but you want to silently say, "I'm not really into this". If you can, adopt a glazed, far-away look. If you have to say something, say it in a bored, neutral tone. Be as boring (but not rude) as possible.
    • If someone started arguing when you were working, even better. Don't look up and keep working, making sure to focus on the work and not them. Appear busy.
  4. Rush them. Say you have to go somewhere or to the bathroom (avoid going to the bathroom too much). Make it generic but plausible ("That reminds me, I have to call ____ soon. She/he will be worried if I don't"). Pretend to "remember" something like the fact you forgot your keys in the car. Tell them it's not a big deal, but act like it is and that it's urgent. Hopefully they will finish up their argument quickly and leave you alone (even if you said you're only going away for a few minutes).
  5. Dodge questions and answers. Shrug if someone asks you something, or say "I prefer not to say". If they push you into answering, stay firm on the fact that you don't want to answer. If they ask about your opinion on an opinion, say, "Everyone's different" or "That's nice" in a boring voice. Don't straight-up answer the question.
  6. End the topic by leading to something else. If someone mentions an unrelated topic briefly, re-introduce that topic to lead them out of the argument. Connect to something else that is easier to talk about.
    • For example, if they say, "Animals have no souls", then you can say "Animals, huh? They are cute. In fact, I have the cutest parrot named Bob. Bob loves talking! Have you ever heard a parrot talk?". Make the transition smooth.
    • If they try to change the subject again, don't try to change it back. Just say, "Well, I've got to go. See you" or appear very bored.

Tips

  • Be friendly and nice, even to people who aren't. You will appear to other people as the nice one, instead of the defensive one.
  • If you have kids around, use it as an excuse. "Oh, can we talk about this later? Mark needs a nap" or "I prefer not to talk about this in front of kids".
  • Respect other people's points of view.
  • Use "I" statements. "When you say ____, I feel uncomfortable."
  • End the conversation abruptly if it is getting worse. "I know we believe in different things, and that's okay. I'm not interested in arguing, however, so see you later. Take care."
  • Be the person who won't react to something and is easy-going.

Warnings

  • If it is really escalating, get out of the conversation! Don't force yourself to stay. Inform them you are uncomfortable.
  • Swearing or telling people off will not help.
  • Insulting the other side of the argument is bad. You don't want to sink down to their level.
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