How to Avoid Being Talkative

Опубликовал Admin
30-10-2016, 20:30
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Do you always need to talk? Maybe you've notice that people get annoyed with your talking, or seem to lose interest in what you're saying. If you want to adjust your talkative ways, make sure to think before you speak, and recognize that silence can be okay. Avoid making the conversation all about you, by learning how to actively listen and ask questions. Seek support from friends and family for guidance, and learn how to adapt your talkative behavior to each social situation that you're in.

Developing Self-Awareness

  1. Evaluate the causes for your talkativeness. You may love to talk about yourself, and not even realize that it's bothering people. You may have a nervous need to fill silence because it feels awkward for you. You may feel the need to talk because you're jittery and feel like you've got to let out what you want to say.
    • Be aware of what may be the causes for your talkativeness.
    • Assess if there are certain situations or people that cause you to be more talkative. Maybe you’re excited about something or someone? Or maybe you’re nervous?
    • When you look at the situations where you’re more talkative, you can begin to control your behavior better.
  2. Notice if people seem to get annoyed or zone-out when you talk. Do you notice yourself talking and talking and talking? Maybe you end up apologizing for your behavior after the fact. Think about the instances when your talkativeness is getting in the way of others. Be aware that you should stop talking (or at least move on to a different topic) when:
    • the person is not paying attention or talking to someone else
    • the person seems bored or uninterested
    • the person is distracted, such as looking at their phone, tablet, or computer
    • the person is working
    • you're talking too fast, and they can't seem to focus on what you're saying
  3. Avoid making the conversation all about you. While talking about yourself may be fun and interesting for you, that’s not always the case for other people. Avoid relating every situation back to you and your life. Find ways to connect what you’re talking about to the other person in the conversation.
    • A conversation is a two-way street. Learn to slow down and give space for other people to talk.
    • Think about a recent time that you were too talkative. What was the topic about? Did the situation seem to only focus on you and your interests?
    • Be more interested in what others say and do. You may come off as selfish or self-centered if most of your conversations are dominated by you and your interests.
  4. Think before you speak. You may feel like you need to say whatever comes to mind. Take a step back and process what you want to say. Don’t rush to get your words out before you realize what you’re saying. This is particularly true in public or group settings.
    • Sometime when you speak first, and think later, you realize you said too much or said something that shouldn’t have been said.
    • Give yourself time to process your thoughts. It shows maturity and patience.
    • If you find yourself offending or irritating people with what you say, or your constant chattering, remember to listen to your brain and think about your words. Don’t let your restless energy take over and speak for you.
  5. Accept that moments of silence are okay. Silence can be a beautiful thing. It can help to clear our mind and quiet our thoughts. It doesn’t have to be awkward or uncomfortable all the time. Give yourself a break and let the uncomfortable silence turn to patience.
    • Mindless chatter to fill silence may make you feel more at ease, but it could be irritating to others. Don’t feel like you need to fill dead space. Those moments might simply be a sign to stop talking or to move on to a topic that interests everyone, not just you.
    • Many people are fine with moments of silence, particularly as they age. See moments of silence as ways to process thoughts and feelings more clearly. If you are constantly talking, you’re not able to truly listen to what you’re feeling in that moment.

Becoming a Good Listener

  1. Ask questions and show interest in others. Instead of making the conversation about you, stop and ask questions to show your interest in what others have to say. To avoid being too talkative, it’s important to learn effective listening skills. A conversation isn’t just about you; it’s about all the people involved.
    • If you’re talking about your day, or something that you do, ask the other person about their day or what they’ve been doing. Give them a few minutes to speak.
    • Keep engaged in what they’re saying. It’s rude to turn your attention, such as to other people or your phone. If the roles were reversed, you’d probably be irritated if they weren’t paying attention.
    • Ask questions about them. Get to know them better. Consider saying things about their family, interests, hobbies, favorite movies, sports, music, or other topics that can help you to know the person.
  2. Encourage others to talk rather than filling up the conversation. Let’s say you’re the more talkative person in a group. You might want to talk more if others are quiet. Instead of filling the dead air with your words, encourage others to speak.
    • Understand that some people can be shy, or feel less of a need to talk. And that’s okay.
    • Make them feel accepted, and show an interest in what they have to say. Say things like, “What do you think about this?” or “I’d love to hear what you think.”
    • If you’re in a group where people don’t know one another, or feel comfortable yet with each other, it may take more effort to get others engaged, but this can be ultimately rewarding.
    • The more that you keep others interested and engaged by learning about them, the more likely they won’t see your talkativeness as annoying.
  3. Listen instead of interrupting others. Being interrupted when talking is a common reason why people feel irritated by other talkative people. Allow the other people time to speak, and to say what they want to say. Sometimes, they may talk slower than you. Patience is a key part of good listening skills.
    • Wait three to five seconds after a person stops talking before you jump into the conversation. This is to make sure that they have finished what they wanted to say.
    • If you have a thought or opinion that comes to mind when someone else is talking, avoid interrupting them when they are mid-sentence. Find spaces or breaks in what they are saying before you add your comment.
  4. Learn to rephrase or "echo" what they've said. One important part of good listening skills is demonstrating that you were not only paying attention to what someone was saying, but that you understood what they were say. By rephrasing or “echoing” what someone said, you are asking for clarification, more information, or a deeper understanding.
    • This rephrasing or repeating back what someone said shows that you are truly listening, and want to focus on the person. For example, if someone is talking about being anxious when planning to visit some relatives for the holidays, you could say, "So it sounds like you're worried about what it will be like when you see your relatives?"
    • It allows the opportunity for great understanding if there is miscommunication or confusion about what was stated. This can help when you’re not sure what someone said or why they said it.

Getting Help

  1. Find support from trusted friends and family about your talkativeness. Be open to listening to what others have to say about your talkativeness. They may have some helpful insight about ways to stop being so talkative.
    • Consider asking a trusted friend or family member if they have faced the same challenges as you with being overly talkative. They may be able to explain what has helped them, or what they’ve been through.
    • Listen to their suggestions about ways to change your habits.
  2. Be willing to adapt your communication style. While it may seem hard at first to change the way you talk or interact with others, it’s important that you find ways to communicate that adapt and change to fit your audience.
    • Know your audience. Is it a large group? Just one person? Someone who’s quiet or someone else who’s really talkative? Is it a classroom setting? At work? Or just hanging out with friends?
    • Each situation may merit a change in your way of communicating. Be attuned to what others are saying or doing. If everyone else is quiet, then think about ways to be quiet. If it’s a social gathering, find ways to engage others in the conversation.
  3. Understand the various causes of excessive talkativeness. Some talkativeness comes from personality differences, such as being very extroverted. Other times it could be a symptom of a medical or mental health condition. Most commonly, being overly talkative is a nervous or stress-related habit that can be controlled.
    • Watch out for any concerns that your excessive talkativeness may be pressured, rapid, and seemingly uncontrollable. Maybe it feels like you can't stop, and the pace of speech seems inappropriately urgent. If this is your situation, talk with a mental health or medical professional for an evaluation. There may be medication or therapy that can help.
    • Evaluate if you constantly crave to be with others, or get your energy from talking with other people. You may be strongly extroverted, and thus might come off as bothersome to others if you are constantly restless and want to talk with people.
    • Be aware that sometimes anxiety and stress can lead to heightened or rapid talking. Find ways to notice what you're doing, and refocus your mind on how to stay calm, focused, and relaxed in that moment.
  4. Get feedback from a counselor if your talkativeness is hurting your work or social life. If you feel like people are treating you differently, or making you feel unwelcome due to your talkative behavior, consider talking with a counselor about how to cope.
    • Find a counselor at your school, through an Employee Assistance Program, or in the community. Ask them about how to help with communication skills.
    • Discuss how to establish boundaries of communication, and how to respect others’ communication styles. A counselor can give you an unbiased and non-judgmental opinion on the situation.

Tips

  • Remember that just because a topic is exciting and interesting to you, that doesn't mean it will elicit the same level of enthusiasm in others.
  • If you are talking about something at length, and act like you're an expert, check in with your audience to see if they are engaged or interested in what you're saying. You may seem to come off as arrogant or superior, and this could irritate others. Make sure to keep others engaged and listen to their perspectives before going into a long diatribe.
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